Public speaking

06 Sep, 2026

I've dabbled a little in public speaking, and it's brought some unexpected benefits.

Of course I was expecting to learn about technique, and I did, but that was by far the least important part.

What was holding me back wasn't poor technique. The mental barriers were far more difficult to overcome. The first meeting I attended, I very nearly didn't go in the door and drove home instead. I realise that sounds like an exaggeration in order to make a point, but I assure you it's true. Life is like that sometimes.

What intimidated me was the same thing that intimidated me when I went to the gym for the first time: I came there to pursue something that I desperately want, but everything in my life so far has told me that people like me can't have it, and I'm afraid the place is full of people for whom that thing is second nature, and I'm afraid they will laugh at me.

It's worth noting that it's not failure that I fear; it's the cruel laughter of others.

A little thought tells us that everybody has to start out somewhere, so logically both places must be full of people on all points of the scale from beginner to expert.

And indeed it was.

It turned out that, when given an appropriate venue to practice where mistakes are not punished, I did just fine. I learned a lot of practical things, but mostly what I learned was that other people's perception of me did not match my own.

The reaction I received was much more positive than I anticipated. People not only gave me feedback on what I did wrong, which I expected, but also on what I got right. This was a bit of a new experience for me, and I never really got used to it.

I was told I was funny, for one thing. This one is a bit of a double-edged sword to be honest, because I'm well aware that I use humour as a kind of defence mechanism -- not to disarm the bullies by making them laugh, mind you -- trust me, that shit doesn't work. It's more to reassure myself by the reaction of the audience that they are still listening, and they are not currently hating me. It's something I try to do a lot less now.

The other lesson is that people were willing to listen to what I had to say. Like a lot of beginners, I rushed through my first speeches far too quickly. Apart from nerves, the reason I did this is that I didn't want to take up any more space and time than strictly necessary. This is understandable given my background, but does not make for great oratory. Once it was explained to me -- several times -- that the audience were in fact interested, things began to fall into place.

Most importantly, I saw the power of good feedback.

You will be asked to review your peers, and because you are not a complete sociopath you will want to find some positive comments, so you will find yourself trying to find something nice to say about someone's absolutely dreadful attempt.

And it turns out that there is always something positive to say. I have seen hundreds of people's first tries at standing up and addressing a group of people, and I have not once been unable to find at least something they did well.

Maybe their delivery was bad, but they said something interesting. Maybe their voice was shaky and unclear, but they were doing a little better than they did last time. Hell, maybe they ran off the stage in a panic, but at least they walked onto it, which is in itself worthy of praise.

People are more interesting and capable than they think, and if I cannot see that in myself, I can easily see it in others.

I wish I could remember who said it, but the phrase that stuck in my mind was: don't ask what is wrong with this? but instead ask how can we make this better?

This shift in perspective has cured me of ever reading internet comments¹ or wading into an online argument ever again.

You don't have to die the same person that you are now. Sure, you can not change our complete identity overnight. But if you can manage to improve by 1% or so every so often, in the long run it adds up. I have seen many people go from nervous wrecks to confident, capable speakers by doing precisely this.