Well that didn't go according to plan
I thought I'd do some light blogging last year. Nothing serious, just get my thoughts in order a little while I was in between jobs.
It hadn't been a fun year. I lost my job -- not in the sense of being fired; no one wanted me te leave. It was more like putting down a heavy object for a moment, being distracted by something and forgeting exactly where I left it. I just couldn't manage to hold on to it anymore.
I don't miss that place. It was toxic and bad for me. But I miss some of the people. I didn't have a lot of particularly meaningful relationships there, but at least it was something. There is almost no one left now.
Then in early January my last cat passed away.
If you have pets, you will understand. You don't expect them to outlive you, but that doesn't make the last day any easier when it comes.
The vet was kind enough to reassure me several times that there was nothing anyone could have done. I paid for dozens of tests and medications and every time the latest test would show that the latest issue had been addressed but a new one had sprung up in its place.
I sat next to her in her final days, looking out into the darkness at the snow falling gently outside.
Eight years ago I took in the three of them, and I was well aware that I was in for three crappy days some time down the road.
I don't regret a thing, but it's hard.